Here at Comics-x-aminer we are starting a new tradition, in similar vain of Mystery Science Theater’s turkey day, we are doing Turkey Week. What is Turkey Week, well it’s where we so you the viewer a whole week of movies from the country of Turkey, but not just any movies, rip-off movies. You see, in the late seventies and early eighties the Turkish film association decided to ban western films from coming into the country and instead, make their own versions of that American film. So, consider these movies an A-budget version of a sweded film or in better terms, a c-budget film compared to the American classic.
Turkey Week #5: Turkish Batman
By Cory Robinson
Hey, remember when Batman used to take Robin to strip clubs, remove his cape and mask when getting into fights, shooting people with a gun when he gets angry, and save only strippers which he then has sex with? No you say? Well this is Turkey’s version of Batman because I guess whenever the country takes a look at a Batman comic, all they see is a debonair playboy who lies and cheats his way into various bedrooms that are not his.
I have to say, out of all the super-hero Turkish films to rear their ugly heads, this one might be the most bastardized version of the original material, and yes I am counting killing counterfeit criminal Spider-Man. The main reason comes within the first five minutes in the film where various people are dying in the worst ways imaginable, including a man who gets sandwiched between two cars. But where is Batman and Robin when all of this is going on? Well, they are way too busy with a sparring session to care and Bruce Wayne takes little Dick Grayson to his first strip club.
This leads to a very big problem that I and probably everyone else has with the film, the fact that more than half the film deals with strippers doing dull dances or having sex with Batman after he rescues them. This happens so much in this film that he comes boring very quickly and you start to realize that this film might be more of a porno than an actual feature film.
Anyway, after Dick and Bruce are done ogling over the stripper, we are treated to an abrupt jump cut showing the same stripper being strangled to death in which Dick and Bruce barge into the backroom and start wailing on the bad guys until they start taking cyanide capsules to kill themselves. God, what I wouldn’t do to have one of those right about now. Bruce is visibly angry about a stripper dying in vain because Turkish Batman’s mission is to strike fear into the hearts of strippers to make sure he has sex with them.
Now what I explain is basically the whole film, Batman and Robin drive around in an Oldsmobile stalking strippers and waiting them to be attacked by perverts, then wait until the absolute second when they are about to die, somehow change into costume when they are getting out of the car, and then punch the bad guys until Batman gives up AND STARTS TO FUCKING SHOOT THEM!!!!!!!!!
Since when does Batman kill let alone shoot them! Isn’t that Batman’s moral code to not shoot anybody because that’s what happened to his parents? Hell, Matt Wagner wrote a whole Batman mini-series about why Batman almost used a gun once, and here is Turkish Batman saying “fuck it” and just shooting bad guys when he gets tired of punching bad guys.
So, other than Batman and Robin’s costume look somewhat like the comics other than the fact that they wear no capes in the movie or no bat ears. That and Batman doesn’t have a utility belt and Robin looks bizarrely close to Justin Long. I mean that alone is an error right there. Alfred does have a part in this film, if you count that Alfred is a skimpy dumb maid that falls for every trick Bruce Wayne could think of. She is seen most of the film trying to get rid of Bruce Wayne’s escort girls while Bruce hides them by acting sick. You know how in the comics that Alfred complains that Bruce Wayne is more of the alter-ego than Batman? Well this film flips that idea around the other way. It’s more of Bruce Wayne as a rich pervert who decides to dress up like a bat to get his jollies off.
So, that’s basically the film a porno that hides as a superhero film and a low-budget one at that. Do I recommend you watch it? Maybe if you are 18 and over there is a lot of nudity in this film so don’t say that I didn’t warn you.
Feel free to come back for part 6 tomorrow, 11/26/13